Kinko for President

"I knew this would happen and everyone said I was crazy. Well who's lauging now? No one. Because it's not funny." Kinko on the economy.

“That’s enough finger-pointing from Obama and McCain about today’s financial crisis,” said Kinko the clown today as the stock market dove more than 400 points. “It’s all lip service to attract voters. What solutions are they really offering American’s who’s 401ks and IRAs are tied to value of the market? It seems to me they’re just blaming the other guy so they seem like the better option. With the dollar slumping against world currencies like this anyone realize that we’re two steps away from bartering for food again?”

Kinko’s campaign today revealed a revolutionary but perhaps incidnieary addendum to their Spare Change Initiative. “What I’d like to do,” said Kinko “is have every single dollar invested on wall street reprinted, loaded onto a fleet of airplanes and dropped like snow all over the country.” His staff went on to explain that this will allow wealth in america to be spread out between all Americans evenly. “It’ll give everyone a fresh start and it’ll be fun!” said Kinko.

Stanley W. Geist, an analyst with a major brokerage firm with a seat on the New York Stock Exchange, had this to say, “I’d advise against Kinko’s plan but right now it’s not all that different from investing in stocks. Perhaps, if the IRS was will to let these massive losses go down as deductions, it might be interesting opportunity for average Americans. It would be fun to see all that money raining out of the sky though. It’d be like dreams I’ve had since I was a boy.”

The Kinko campaign was quick to point out that today’s market troubles are the result of experienced financial experts and government doing their best to keep America’s finacial health intact. “Look what experience has given us,” said Kinko. “Fortunately for America I have even less experience with politics and financial reform than Sarah Palin so I would definitely be the best candidate to lead America.”

Save us, Kinko!  You had my erstwhile, sincere mate and me at “Good Evening!”