Kinko for President

Kinko lashed out at FEMA's continued poor response to flooding in Iowa.

by: Tom Sharpe

Presidential candidate Kinko the clown called a press conference at the home of Marjorie Williams, 74, this Thursday.  Although Williams lives in Marion, Iowa, a town entirely unaffected by this summer’s flooding, it had come to Kinko’s attention that Mrs. William’s bathroom had been flooded by a large puddle of water earlier in the week.  She had forgotten to turn off the bath faucet when she became engrossed in a rerun of Days of Our Lives and water flowed onto the floor for close to three minutes.  Williams panicked and used a good guest towel to mop up the water and expressed concern that she had ruined the fabric.

Kinko expressed outrage at FEMA’s failure to respond to the emergency by beeping a bicycle horn and shaking his head sadly.
He then walked into the house and began juggling Mrs. William’s dinner plates.  When he inadvertently dropped one and broke it, he feigned crying.  This action segued into crying on Mrs. William’s shoulder, which turned into hugging her, then squeezing her breast as if it were his bicycle horn while miming laughing.  Mrs. Williams then called the police and a few minutes later, Kinko, dragging his size 18 feet, was escorted off the premises.