Kinko for President

Wild rumors and speculation about who might be chosen as a vice presidential candidate are being squashed by the Kinko Campaign

“It’s really hard,” said campaign staffer Philomena Bindlestiff, “basically because he’s so presidential already we don’t need a VP to bolster any particular aspect.” Rumors have been swirling about many hopefuls who have approached the Kinko campaign – rumors of sports star Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics, bi-sexual reality show icon Tila Tequila, and even speculation that Nick Lachey is interested have been denied by the campaign and the supposed hopefuls. But as the campaign progresses it’s clear that a VP will need to be chosen. Kinko said, “We’ll make a decision when the right running mate presents themselves.”

Philomena Bindlestiff then proceeded to downplay the attempts to “swift-boat” Kinko’s growing popularity: “All the allegations are true. He is a clown. He is an eagle scout. He does use public restrooms. Why should he deny any of that?”