A Day Of Independence
July 4th, 2008
My fellow Americans, as a professional clown I have rarely taken the time from entertaining to reflect on the current state of our country. Now that I have accepted the mantle of politician as well as clown I must make time not only for reflection but also action. I must ask you to do the same.
Today, like many I enjoyed a hot dog, beer, and fireworks but after the fade of the rocket’s red glare I was saddened to remember that the basic freedoms this holiday represents are under attack. Not by enemies across our borders, not by illegal immigrants, not by terrorists but by Americans. It is we Americans who have let our government make war based on poor speculation instead of facts. It is we Americans who have driven the price of oil up with our dependence on a limited resource. It is we Americans who are making the dollar weak by borrowing money instead of saving it. We have no one to blame but ourselves for our troubles.
We must take a long hard look at ourselves, tell ourselves the truth, and start over.
This is not a bad thing. I’m not trying to bum everyone out. America is the greatest country on earth. We are a shining beacon of hope to many of the worlds downtrodden but that beacon has dimmed a lot as we have become obsessed with ourselves. Obsessed with television. Obsessed with comfort. Obsessed with Britney Spears. Obsessed with things which do not matter. We have replaced culture with pop culture. We have Guitar Hero instead of real heroes. I have been complicit in these crimes against America as we all have. I’m not suggesting we all stop watching TV. But maybe we should watch less then use the time to help out in our community or recycle some stuff. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be on the internet but maybe we should be reading the Washington Post instead of Perez Hilton drawing cocks and cocaine on people. Seriously that shit is sooooo fucking 4th grade. Pardon my French. Speaking of France would everyone get a life and stop harshing on them? Most Americans who have poor opinions about France have never been or even met anyone from France. Maybe you should go before you open your trap. They gave us the Statue of Liberty that should be good enough for any real American. Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that the spirit of Independence Day isn’t being observed.
Independence is an ideal every American should strive for but the independence we strive for shouldn’t be self-serving because with great independence comes great responsibility. Just because we can do whatever we want doesn’t mean that we should. Literally every thing we do in our lives has a consequence. Can we live with the consequences of destroying our environment? Can we live with the consequences of corporations that exist solely for profit? Can we live with the consequences of a deteriorating education system? Don’t make the mistake of thinking these questions are rhetorical. You know the answers and the answers are not contained in words or opinions but in action. Take action to make changes in your life, in your city, in your state, in your country and even in the world.
Sorry this wasn’t funny. But sometimes a sad clown reminds us that we can not have laughter without shedding some tears.
Happy 4th Of July!
- Kinko The Clown
Outrage At Associated Press BBQ Poll
Kinko doubts Obama or McCain would be good BBQ guests.
According to a new poll by the Associated Press (see here), more americans would invite Barack Obama to their bar-b-que than John McCain.
Outraged, once again, by the media’s constant bias against third party candidates Kinko scribbled the following rant on cardboard, “The AP’s poll is clearly biased! Neither John McCain nor Barack Obama would do anything other than talk too much and overload their plate with potato salad. At least I could earn my keep at a barbecue by juggling and making balloon animals for the kids! This is another example of how the media is doing their best to hide third party candidates from the public.”
Kinko staffers also objected to the fact that the barbecue presented in the AP poll was hypothetical. “Why didn’t they throw a real barbecue and invite all three candidates?” asked Philomena Bindlestiff. “Probably because they know that Kinko would have been a sensation and Obama and McCain would have been left in the shadows of a real candidate. If they had done a real life barbecue poll we would’ve won by a landslide.”
Kinko then added, “Yeah, hypothetical barbecues are not only biased… they’re cheap.”
The Associated Press has not yet responded to Kinko’s allegations of media bias or being skin-flints.
Kinko “Wesley Clark Is Right… Sort Of”
Although Kinko defended Wes Clark's statement as factual the clown added, "He's not the right V.P. for me."
The clown candidate fired back at the press today as Obama and McCain’s spin machines were in full swing. “General Wesley Clark’s comments this weekend were not really inaccurate. It might have been nicer to say, ‘Although John McCain is a patriotic warrior who bleeds red, white and blue, the fact that his plane was shot down in Viet Nam and was a prisoner of war, does not qualify him to be president.’ but Wes Clark was simply stating a fact. Frankly, the press is making a big deal out of nothing and I’m surprised that Obama and McCain are even stooping to respond.”
Kinko went on to point out that the only real qualifications to be president are: to be a natural born citizen of the united States, to be at least 35 years old and to have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years. “At least the last time I checked the constitution of the United States that’s what it said. If I have to get shot down in a plane to qualify then you can count me out.”
The clown’s campaign staff were quick to clarify that Kinko was not withdrawing from his presidential bid.
KRUMPERS endorse Clown
Kinko got a much needed boost of confidence today in an endorsement from an unlikely source.
ZimmyKrak4KrUmPiNz WreckKREW became the first group of Krumpers to endorse Kinko The Clown’s presidential bid.
“He’s keepin’ it real. That’s what we like about Kinko,” said Zimmy the leader of one of Albequrque New Mexico’s Krump crews. “He’s a clown who’s makin’ it every day by clowning. He’s for community and freedom of expression and that’s what we’re about. Plus that %*#ch can swallow a sword. He’s a stone cold killa!”
Krumping is an urban African American street dance form that developed on the streets of South Central Los Angeles, around 2001 - 2002. It is characterized by free, expressive, and highly energetic moves and is a major part of the hip hop dance culture, alongside other techniques, such as: breakdance, locking, popping and freestyling. Krump is often represented as K.R.U.M.P., an acronym for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise, presenting krumping as a faith-based artform. - Wikipedia
Kinko’s campaign staff was quick to point out that this endorsement comes from a largely African-American community a group once thought dominated by Barack Obama. Some pundits had speculated that Kinko’s need to put on white face make up would be a turn off to African-Americans but it seems once again that Kinko The Clowns campaign defies all conventional wisdom.
R. Cleason of Austin, TX, the mother of a krumper had this to say, “Kinko represents a community who’s voice is not being heard. A lot of kids who wear clown make up and red noses are afraid to go to school as clowns. So their red nose ends up in a book bag all day instead of buried in a book. Kinko is saying ‘It’s okay to be a clown. It’s okay if people laugh at you instead of with you.’ He’s an inspiration.”
McCain Refuses To Debate Clown
It is possible McCain, like many americans, was frightened by clowns when he was a child.
After weeks of haranguing for Barack Obama to meet him in 10 town hall meetings John McCain is apparently seeking to avoid a confrontation himself.
According to unnamed sources at McCain’s campaign headquarters the Kinko campaign staff has repeatedly reached out to set up a debate with McCain but has been snubbed over and over. The repeated offers have apparently upset the republican candidate who thinks his campaign’s credibility would suffer a fatal blow if he were to debate Kinko. McCain reportedly said, “Get real! This isn’t funny any more so stop bugging me about it. That guy’s just a clown!”
Kinko was philosophical about the refusal. “It seems ironic that McCain’s desire for credibility is threatened by one candiate who refuses to speak to him and another candidate that he refuses to speak to himself. But what do I know about irony?” asked Kinko. “I’m just a clown.”
