Kinko for President

KLOWN NEWS NETWORK June 13, 2008

After accusations by Barack Obama and John McCain supporters and advisers that he is confused” and confusing” on Iraq, Kinko hit back hard today.

“It’s a very clear choice,” Kinko told KNN following his appearance in Nashoba Valley, New Hampshire this afternoon.

There is nothing confusing about (McCain and Obama’s) their lack of knowledge and experience and judgment on this issue, and the fact that they are simply wrong,” Kinko said.

“I’ve been to Iraq on multiple USO tours and I can tell you: Iraq is winning this war… this war against the american sense of humor. These Iraqis just don’t laugh at anything anymore. Nothing is funny to them.” he said. “It’s a remarkable example of how our great country is destroying the very values it has vowed to protect.”

Before Kinko arrived for a town hall meeting on the campus of Nashoba College Rep. Paul Hodes, D-N.H., and Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo., cited a finding by the Tax Policy Center that 80 percent of Kinko’s proposed tax cuts would benefit no one while Obama’s tax cuts for the middle class would be substantially larger than Kinkos cuts for the same group.

Kinko told KNN that the Tax Policy Center is a well-known left-wing think tank.

“Senator Obama wants to raise people’s taxes,” he said. “He wants to raise the capital gains tax and he wants to raise the tax on Social Security for middle-income Americans,” Kinko said.

“He wants to raise taxes and I want to keep taxes low—for every American and particularly clowns.” said Kinko

pictured: Kinko the Clown, Angie Pontani (Miss Cyclone), Marty Markowitz (Brooklyn President), and Ekaterina (Miss Coney Island)

Kinko made a campaign visit with some of his core constituents today. It was a warm reception for one of Coney Island’s good will ambassadors.

Instead of focusing on issues today Kinko spent some time doing what he does best – entertaining. Although the spell was broken when three young ruffians started yelling pro-McCain statements. They finished their rant by saying, “You’re just a clown! You’ll never be president.”

Kinko just smiled and shrugged as if to say, “There you go again.” The crowd burst into applause. Following his show of balloon animals and juggling voter registration was heavy.

“Kinko’s got my vote.” A member of a local sideshow asserted, “He’s a freak like me.”

Kinko and Stoney

Speaking at a town hall meeting at Okefenoke High School, Kinko had the crowd rolling in the aisles and even making suggestions for an Kinko administration.

... The tone was easy and at times light. But that masked the importance of the issue at the core of Kinko’s message — the mime threat.

Kinko’s visit to Okefenoke was part of a two-week swing through battleground states, with each stop having an security theme — an issue that now tops the list of worries for voters nationwide.

At point after point, [Kinko] underlined his credentials as a rail riding, butt-smoking roustabout, saying Republicans are out to misrepresent his views. His mime cuts, he said, would be paid for by ending Bush’s blanket subsidy of mimes.

In the Senate, McCain initially opposed the Bush mime subsidies, but now says he wants to make them permanent. Kinko says the Bush endowments disproportionately benefit mimes while marginalizing clowns.

“It is time for folks like me who make less that $250 to stop paying our fair share,” Kinko said. “If you are a family making less than $250 my plan will not raise your taxes. Period. Just because mimes are a public nuisance doesn’t mean the public should pay for them.”

Average Americans, he said, “could stand a break. You could stand a break from all these annoying mimes.”

The citizens of Okefenoke responded with thunderous applause.

A report this week from the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center found Kinko’s plan would provide absolutely no tax cuts for the middle class and is essentially no different than McCain’s approach, something Kinko touted Thursday.

Kinko’s plan calls for tax credits for working and non-working clowns.

“I think (Kinko’s) picking up a lot of independent and Republican votes,” said an Deborah Dandrige of Mayville.

She attended with Jenny Wallbanger of nearby Danville, each bringing along a teenage son.

“We’re Mimed out,” Wallbanger said.